When you are continually reliving the same (traumatic) experiencethrough different situations know that it is time for change. When the self subconsciously manifests character flaws stemming from a brokenness of some sort undergoing a journey of unbecoming becomes an urgent necessity.
I was selected as one of the candidates to be part of a two month programme last year which I unfortunately dropped out of as it re-introduced me to the self I had become. Pain induces certain character flaws which we tend to adopt, integrate into who we are and are constantly found tapping into inherently as these eventually become us. My departure, as saddening as it was was symbolic of my leaving that self behind and commencing my journey of unbecoming.
As with any other journey one has to be equipped with certain tools to aid its successful completion. I was introduced to a couple of self mastery tools: the iceberg tool, balcony & dance tool, pause button & point of choice tool and the Joharis window tool by our coacheswhilst on the programme but will make mention of two (the iceberg tool and the pause button & point of choice tool) so as to not deviate from the focus of this article, they all have however been integral to my slow paced but progressive journeying towards a reformed self.
The iceberg tool states that destructive behaviour is as a result of an unfulfilled deficiency — an unmet need, that behaviour as the tip of an iceberg is a visual manifestation of all that is not seen — that which is below the waterline. It further elaborates that behaviour can be changed but one has to lower the waterline as to identify its root.Destructive behaviour contradicts our value system(s) and this is why It seems absurd for one to continue embodying destructive behavioural habits, the iceberg tool however provides insight on how an unmet need is fed by this behaviour and how unless one replaces it with a healthier alternative it continues to from its familiar source.
The managing upsets: pause button and point of choice tool has been one I have had to constantly return to as it re-programmed my psyche with regards to reaction options. I am an emotional person and have accepted this as who I am — a justification as to why my upsets always result in teary outbursts. This tool objects this idealogy and provides reason behind an amygdala hijack and how an emotional person can infact regain control over the amygdala and have their cortex be a dominant factor during an upset. This tool states that during an upset one can actually choose to react differently and not have their emotions be catalytic to reactiveresponses. It makes one realise that they can be in control, in total control of the self.
These tools are governed by choice. The acknowledgement ofdestructive behaviour is conducive to change — initiates the process of lowering the waterline and the attainment of a reformed self.
Written by: Fisiwe Zondi